Dear Pregnancy,
I would like my body back, please. Sure, it wasn't perfect, but I really, really miss it. I want back the breasts that were enviably plump, not sloppily, reminiscent-of-African-tribal-women huge as they are now. I want back the slim-lined hips that allowed me to walk, not waddle. I want back the stomach that, while not perfectly flat and certainly not "washboard", didn't require an additional 13 inches of clearance to maneuver through narrow spaces. So, if you could be done using my body for your own sick amusement as soon as possible, it'd be much appreciated.
Sincerely,
The warped, disfigured creature formerly known as Liz
